#2691

How do you explain that which has no definition? Define and delineate that which has neither substance nor boundary? This sentient force has no name, but I am human and I crave labels so I call her the Nameless for want of something more precise. It is a title fit for nothing. Ink in water. Time before time. The Nameless has no gender, either, nor body, shape, or matter. She is the stuff of chaos, present everywhere in the universe as the creeping corruption of entropy and the beating of a butterfly’s hurricane wings. She is the primordial waters of the Nun from which the cosmic egg arose and cracked open the warm yolk of the world. Her yawning serpent jaws will one day devour this same universe and return it back to the raw, unshaped chaos from which it was birthed. She is atoms unraveling, galaxies disintegrating, micro-macro-mega-scale catastrophe. She is constant kinetic cataclysm and beyond design-basis accidents too horribly mundane to even dream of. She is the breaking inherent in every moment, past/present/future compressed and sundered and reforged in strange new shapes. She is everything going wrong not because it can but because it will. Because it must. How do you define that which negates? How do you capture in mere human language the enormity of omnipresent and omniscient system failure? 

Body or no, she is always smiling. There is that.

#2690

I think, when they demanded I look to the gods of my homeland, they expected I would be forced to follow the blessed virgin and her sacrificial child. I think they expected I would have no other options but the crushing monotheism of the country of my grandparents, and certainly I despaired in this same mindset; I am not built to walk just one path, after all. Yet when I opened myself tentatively to the island that bore generations of my ancestors, it was no omniscient, nameless God or pacifist Christ who reached out to make themselves known. Instead, I dreamed of shipwrecks and woke with saltwater Kharybdis bleeding copper on my tongue. I dreamed of candles at a river’s edge and the hard gaze of pale-eyed Mnemosyne. I dreamed earthquakes cracked open the planet to pour out its molten core among the stars as Gaea raged in despair. I opened myself, expecting nothing, and gods older than any messiah reached back to say, We are here. We have always been here. We will always be here.

#2685

By the time I realize the danger I’m in, it’s too late to run. Every direction I turn I can see the frothing, foaming edges of the first tsunami waves as they surge down side streets and around the sides of buildings toward the city center where I stand. I’m hemmed in; there’s nowhere to go and no time left to evacuate anyway. This is just a dream, I remind myself. It’s not real. Might as well use it as an opportunity to learn what it’s like to die in a tsunami. It will be… educational. As the waves close in around me, I stand my ground, reining in fear with logic (I won’t feel a thing, this is just a dream) – that is, until the waves converge and stack upon each other, towering over my head in an unbroken wall of death. Then I start screaming. I just can’t help it.

#2684

In my dream I walk through a meadow that expands outward from my home’s backyard. In the meadow I come across a large bumblebee queen bobbing around in the grass near the ground, looking for a place to build her future hive. I greet the lovely little queen and she buzzes over to me, flying up near my face and then buzzing against my ear like she’s trying to get into the dark passage of my ear canal to build a hive in my head. Her fuzziness against my bare skin tickles something fierce! Giggling, I tell the queen she can’t build a nest there and try to gently nudge her aside with my hand; in response, she lands on my fingertip and nibbles playfully at my skin. Then she turns into a tiny, black- and yellow-striped kitten and the dream ends.

#2683

“This is why you can’t have control,” I gripe to my melodramatic gods as they pilot my body over to one of the skyscraper’s tall windows. The Moon lifts our hand and pushes open the wide pane of glass, letting in a blast of freezing wind. I clench our fingers around the window’s edge as he tries to walk us out into the dark night and a fifty-story drop. Our foot stretches out (it’s hard to tell, now, if it’s mine or his) and almost steps onto thin air, but at the last second I manage to pull us back inside. 

Then the Sun takes over and draws us away, toward another window, perhaps, or some other convenient physical threat. I’ve had enough; in the way of dreams, I command the floor of the skyscraper we’re on to expand, building out a large balcony to waylay more such petulance. The Sun stumbles us out into the piercing cold and we fall to our knees (his knees? my knees?) beneath a starless black sky. It’s becoming difficult to think, difficult to move, difficult to even breathe or keep our heavy eyelids open. It’s just so cold, like flesh and blood are rapidly turning to ice… 

Now none of us seems to be in control of the body collapsing to the freezing stone of the balcony. I am nowhere, just the observer once more, and Tanim is far away, mind and spirit barely tethered to that cold, motionless form. All the pain, all the grief, all the awful feelings warring inside him have gone equally cold and still. Caught in the drift of his sluggish thoughts, I find that neither of us much cares what happens to that body.

Suddenly Daren is kneeling there, lifting his lover’s head from the hard stone and trying to rouse him. Tanim wakes slowly, disoriented and hypothermic. As the dream fades and I leave them behind, I think, “See, this is why you can’t have control!”

#2679

My anxious mind reaches out to the unknown future, where the Nameless shows me visions of a sweltering wasteland Earth devoid of life. This is not just the planet post-apocalypse but post-homosapien; a time long after we have not only destroyed the Earth we knew and all the creatures who shared it, including ourselves, but its very capacity to sustain life at all.

My despairing soul reaches back to the forgotten past, where ancient human ancestors show me visions of a wild, untouched Earth teeming with strange life. This is not just the planet pre-homosapien but pre-apocalypse; a time long ago when we were just one of many species struggling to survive on the Earth as an endless, global winter approached. 

My grieving heart remains fixed in the present from which I cannot look away, where I need no visions to show me either the horrors or joys of life. Both seem in abundance here in this intra-homosapien and intra-apocalypse era of climatic fluctuation. Life has survived before. And life has not. Life will survive this. Or it will not. Caught in the middle, I mourn and hope and surrender and rage and go numb.

#2676

In my dream I have been transported to a gathering of ancient ancestors, a tribe of early humans from what seems to be the Paleolithic era. I follow along breathlessly with a group of dancers in a clearing in the woods, pine trees towering high above our heads as our circle rotates in unison. At the head of the clearing is the great white skull of a bull mammoth, its long tusks branching outward to encompass the topmost corner of the rough dancing circle. The rest of the circle is delineated by thick logs, or perhaps large pieces of bone, elaborately carved with undulating patterns. The dancers and I wear clothing made of animal furs; bone and shell ornaments hanging from our limbs, necks, ears, and hair clatter as we gesticulate wildly. Our bare feet pound the earth as we jump and stomp, leap and twirl, making up the percussion of the music which drives our feverish dance. With our hands we beat some sort of hard fruit against the logs, softening them in preparation for cooking. To the thumping of our feet and the drumming of our hands we add our voices, chanting a simple song of unity with the world around us, a song which voices deep gratitude to the universe for its bounty and offers in return a surrender to the darkness of that which is no longer needed.

Sometime after this ritual ends, the tribe’s shaman offers wisdom on the art of bone carving, which the tribe highly values for both mundane and ceremonial purposes. He explains how each kind of animal offers different lessons, both when they are alive and when they have died and rendered their bodies to the tribe as gifts for survival. Larger animals, like the mammoth, have harder bones and therefore are best for the fashioning of hut poles, weapons, and other tools. Smaller animals, like the seed-eating birds, have delicate bones which must be handled with care and used only for the most prized adornments and ceremonial objects. The person who knows best how to carve the large bones of the mammoth should not be the same person who sculpts the birds’ bones; the person who specializes in finely decorating the birds’ soft bones with intricate patterns has no business turning their craft to the dense bones of the megafauna. Each person must refine their specialty to best honor the animal’s gift and ensure no part goes to waste.

As the dream begins to fade, I bow to the shaman and thank the tribe profusely for the honor of taking part in their rites and the sharing of knowledge. I ask these ancient ancestors to visit again, or to call me to them again, so that I may continue to learn from them and spend time in their loving circle. And then the dream ends and I am back in the present once more, my heart aching for a people lost ten thousand years and more to the past.

#2673

“The hardest part,” my son tells me as we trudge through thick mud, “was learning to die full of love.” His words only make me cry harder and I heft his tiny body higher in my arms, sobbing into his soft fur as I imagine hot breath in the darkness, mouths full of teeth, terror and sorrow and blood. I let my feet follow the slippery, muddy road while I mourn the circumstances that forced any sentient creature, let alone one I loved, to face such a cruel, lonely death with so much courage. We are trying to find our way home, following a road made almost impassable by some disaster that itches at the edges of my memory. We are trying to go home, my dead son and I, but the mud of my guilt is so thick I can barely drag my feet from it to take another step.

#2672

In my dream I sob into my hand while our motley assortment of strangers watches, helpless, as the unstable shell of a towering hotel collapses on the construction workers inside. We can see them all yet from our distance can only bear horrified witness as some scramble for exits and others attempt to block the falling debris or dive under flimsy cover. The building seems to crumble in slow motion, giving us ample time to commit each doomed occupant and their terrified struggles to memory. It is obvious to us they have no chance, no hope at all of survival, and this makes their efforts all the more horrendous. 

Unable to bear the sight anymore, I close my eyes and turn my tear-streaked face aside into the warm, solid presence of the man beside me. I do not know the strangers on either side of me – fate and random happenstance have thrown us together on this bus – yet as the hotel collapses in a roar of brick, steel, and glass, we are intimately united in our shared trauma. After all, how can we be unfamiliar to each other when we have broken our hearts together? 

I wake with this stark image of death in my mind and the lingering thought that we are all connected by moral wounding. Not just these individual moments of mutual helplessness, of fear and sorrow and guilty there-but-for-the-grace-of-something-go-we, but the greater crimes as well. The global witnessing of mass destruction, the layers of generational grief, the impotent anger turned rage turned festering resentment. We are continuously hemorrhaging from a thousand different wounds, yet we ignore them because they have been so normalized. Can we not use this shared wounding to come to a common understanding? Can we not recognize the ways in which we all have been harmed and move forward on a better path? Only in dreams, perhaps. At least for now.

#2671

I am forever building houses in my dreams, hewing timbers from the homes of past lives and stealing bones from dead hopes for the future to craft Winchester-style labyrinths of half-familiar bedrooms and endless branching corridors through which my puzzled ghost wanders, counting windows like grains of rice, and upon waking my true surroundings feel that little bit less real each time.

#2670

A few nights ago, before I fell asleep, I begged the universe to send me some sort of guide. A teacher. A messenger. Someone or something who could help me make sense of the turmoil in my heart right now. I feel like I’ve been pushing through the underbrush of a forest, I thought, and now I’m totally lost. I can’t see where I came from and I can’t see where I should go next. When you’re lost you’re not supposed to keep moving; you’re supposed to stay still and wait for help to come to you. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m gonna stay right here and wait for someone to come to me. Please, someone, come guide me.

That night, I dreamt I stood in a large backyard bordered by a forest. A large, oddly-shaped bird glided between the trees and when I held out my arm, it flew toward me and landed on my forearm. What an odd bird it was! It looked more like a dinosaur than a bird, leathery and bulbous in ways that ought to ruin any aerodynamicity. The bird seemed sweet, though, and maybe a little frightened. I held it gently against my chest.

Suddenly a police officer appeared next to me and started yelling that I had to let go of the bird immediately because it was an endangered species and it was illegal to touch it. He said I had to release it right where I was, but we were standing at the border between yards and in the next yard was a huge dog that I knew would attack the bird when I let it go. I tried to respectfully reason with the officer and explain my concerns but he wouldn’t even look me in the eye, he just kept screaming at me, so eventually I ignored him and walked away. I wanted to set the bird free in a more remote, forested area where it would be safe from human interference.

As I walked out of the yard, the dreamscape around me transforming into a big national park, I spoke softly to the bird. “Are you lost, too?” I asked. “Do you feel alone like me?” I sensed it was, and while my heart ached for this creature who had lost so many of its fellows, I was also comforted to be with something that shared my turbulent feelings. Eventually we came to the edge of a cliff overlooking a vast forested valley cut through by waterfalls and rivers. Here I opened my arms and the bird took to the skies. I heard it call out and from a nearby tree another large bird replied, then lifted up and joined it. I didn’t think it was the same kind of bird – it looked like a raven – but I was glad my bird had a companion anyway.

This morning I tried to figure out if the bird I dreamed about really exists. While I didn’t find an exact match, I did find a bird that gave me that spiritual ‘ping’ I have come to recognize as meaning I’m going in the right direction. That bird is the helmeted hornbill. Specifically, this image of a juvenile male really reminds me of the bird I met, not only visually but because I got such a sense of loneliness from the bird, like he couldn’t find a mate or friends because there were so few of his kind left. 

According to the internet, hornbills are associated with visions and messages from the spirit world. The helmeted hornbill specifically is believed by the Punan Bah peoples of Indonesia to guard the passage between life and the afterlife and act as judge of the dead souls. Obviously this isn’t proof that the bird in my dream was for sure a hornbill, helmeted or otherwise, but it all adds to the ‘pings’ I feel. I hope I see the bird again, though I’m grateful even for just one visit at a time when I needed comfort.

#2659

I am she who leads the Rite and Raide,

Queen Consort of the Fallen,

shieldmaiden of the warrior dead!

Rise up, o weary ones,

rise up, o woeful ones!

There is no heaven above

as long as our dead are trapped below;

break open the gates of Hell,

tear down the doors, shatter the chains,

free the dead imprisoned within!

Rise up, o furious ones,

rise up, o frightful ones!

#2652

In my dream I am the Buddha, or a buddha at least, leading a broken and traumatized people through tunnels and caves that seem never ending. I have delivered them from their oppressors, at least, and despite our weariness and all we have lost there is an inextinguishable, resilient joy in our collective. But we have been walking for so long – years, perhaps, with no way to mark the days, let alone the seasons – and discontent grows like weeds among our ranks. While memory burns bright in the mothers and fathers who lost children, the elders who watched whole families perish in the conflict we fled, some who were just babes then and have known nothing but this subterranean darkness chafe at their confines. Like restless pups they test the limits of our ragged society’s rules, pushing for more autonomy, for a power and control they think will bring them peace. 

When rebellion breaks out I am not surprised, only deeply saddened, and I do not raise a hand to stop the young man who brings a knife to my throat. If I am meant to live, something will intervene; if I am meant to die, it will not. In fact, my assailant seems more dismayed than I am when the blade slides across my bare flesh and I fall back onto the hard cavern floor at his feet. He stares down at me with wide, disbelieving eyes, blood dripping from the knife clutched in one trembling hand. I stare up at him calmly, hoping my gaze transmits the forgiveness I can no longer speak, warm blood pulsing in rivers between my fingers as I press one hand to the deadly wound in my throat.

Another Buddha will follow me. I know this. Like myself, they will not be perfect. Who can be? Who should be? They will do their best. They will act justly and lead our people well. That is all that matters.

#2648

Every day 

the sound of the chainsaws creeps a little closer. 

Every night

ancestors speak urgent riddles in my dreams. 

Every morning 

I wake wondering how long until 

I can no longer protect the land on which I live

how long until the chainsaws are at my door

how long until spring is finally silenced.

I am sorry, Ms. Carson; 

you told me something of great importance

but my dream self failed to understand the riddle

and my waking self failed to remember the words

and every day 

the chainsaws creep a little closer.

#2636

The hostile dead creep through dreams, whispering lies about how they die thinking you abandoned them, how they die alone in agony and fear and there is nothing you can do, there is no point to living at all because in the end we are just ash, just hungry ghosts staring out of warped window glass in the charred skeletons of smoldering buildings, do you not see how futile life is when this is how it must always end? They whisper whisper whisper until the smoke clogs your nose and seizes up your lungs and you are reduced to a sobbing, crumpled little thing on the ground thinking you cannot possibly bear to exist another day, another hour, even another second with the burden of this awful knowledge weighing on you, how could you leave them, how could you let them die alone in such terrible ways? But they are lies, all lies, and oh how much pleasure the hostile dead take in the telling.

#2635

Some people pray the fires cease.

Some people pray the fires spread. 

In my dreams she says,

“we tend the dead last”

for they need nothing now

and I wake tasting ash either way. 

#2633

Cascadia calls to me, and in my dream I let my body fall back into the wet Pacific Northwest mud, sinking down through layers of fine silt until the surface is miles above me and I am encased in a thick, heavy darkness warming by degrees as I approach the locked subduction zone. Water molecules combine with the immense pressure, turning brittle rock into hot, pliant magma that I swim through like an underground river, rising up through the layers of the earth once more until I hover over the land, so high and wide I can reach out and run my fingers over the sharp ridges of the Cascades like stroking the spine of a dangerous sleeping animal. Then suddenly I am plunged inside those very mountains, into Cascadia’s secret, many-chambered heart deep inside the rock where an untouched ecosystem flourishes away from society’s greed. In darkness, on granite earth beneath a granite sky, forests of cedar and redwood spread for miles, peppered with meadows of bee-laden flowers and ribbons of cold, clear streams. I climb over moss-frosted boulders, crawl under fallen trees older than humanity, use eager fingers to dig up wild green onions that cut the perfumed air with their sharp scent. In the secret, sacred womb of the world I drink its purest water from my cupped palms and weep in gratitude and grief.

#2613

You hold court like a monarch among his flock of nobles, perched on the edge of the lunch table or lounged back against the bleachers with a bevy of giggling sycophants clustered all around. Even the sunlight seems eager to grace your carved features, the breeze to gently toss your glossy hair so it falls just so. They think this is what you value: influence, attention, adoration. They think this is what you want, to wield your charisma like a flame that warms the favored and scorches the fallen. 

Yet you could not care less about the lackeys who flirt and flutter like moths in your light. When you quirk your lips at a funny quip, or throw your fine neck back to laugh at a cutting remark, your eyes dart across the room to see if a certain dark gaze lingers on you. Always you seek him out, posing your body so he might keep you in his sights, ensuring your best angle faces him at all times. You are the sun, drawing everyone around you into your orbit, but you care only for this one solitary moon who seems forever out of your reach. 

#2610

I’m done. It’s time.

Call the priest.

Tell him I am a house choked by ghosts

that they fill every room and I cannot be rid of them

no matter my gnashing and wailing.

Tell him I will gladly submit

to the oil and incense

the psalms and holy water

if he can empty me once more.

If he cannot:

burn me down.

#2605

Kneeling in the compost dirt of my future grave, I watch the decomposers at their work and weep with love and awe and fear. Rodents and birds, beetles and fungi and tiny ants who lift a thousand times their own weight – I watch them carry off bits of decaying vegetable peels and nibble discarded fruit and I weep. It’s just so beautiful, this ancient web of connection and symbiosis. Beautiful and fragile.

I am immensely afraid all the time. Afraid I am living through the last era of life on Earth, that I will witness the extinction of all these strange, lovely little creatures who hold our world together. Afraid things will only get worse from here, year after year until every nightmare scenario becomes reality. Afraid I am ultimately helpless to protect even just the ones I love from this mounting apocalypse, let alone rodents and birds and tiny, intrepid ants.

When I die and they cover me over with the dirt of this planet that birthed and raised me, will the decomposers be here to break my flesh back down to its base components? Will there be fungi left to weave their filaments around my bones and clothe me once more in their fruit? Or will it be too late to nurture my fellow organisms, to finally be part of the giving and not just the taking? Is it too late? Am I too late? Are we?

#2603

in my dream I surrender to grief’s embrace
float face-down in an ocean of sorrow
my ancestors grip my shoulders
a steady, reassuring pressure
promising I am not alone
promising we do this together
promising they will not let me
be lost to the black depths

#2602

I dreamed an impossibility. An alternate reality. A universe in which you were not gods, not angels, not forces beyond comprehension imprisoned in mortal forms and doomed to replay the same brutal endings over and over again. You were just two men, your souls exactly as young as your bodies, no past lives haunting the spirals of your DNA, and you were… happy.

It feels blasphemous to even speak of such a thing but if I don’t record it now I’ll think it never happened. I saw just one scene, after all, one fleeting moment plucked from this dream that could never be. You sat leaning against each other, completely relaxed, laughing at some joke or amusing story. You were so carefree, so comfortable in each other’s presence. Even more unbelievable, though, was the fact that you weren’t alone. You sat amidst a group of other young adults, a mixed gathering indeed but all obviously queer and on the radical end of progressive with their talk of philosophy and social justice. The joy and passion in the room were palpable. These people weren’t hangers-on or sycophants or worshippers; they were your friends. 

Blasphemous, I know. Try as I might, I can’t summon even a whisper of a fragment in which such a scene might make sense, except perhaps to serve as a symbol of what beautiful normality you were both denied. Yet even that feels like a stretch, like I’m not meant to commit it to words at all. Maybe I wasn’t even supposed to see it in the first place. But I did. I glimpsed some version of you that was completely whole, completely free, and I won’t forget that. I promise.

#2592

In that first age the Angel wandered freely in the Garden, eating his fill of its delights. Each perfect summer day lasted a century and beneath the newborn sun every plant tasted of a different kind of ambrosia. The humans were young then, too, their squat bodies still reminiscent of the tree-climbing apes from which they were shaped. Sometimes the adults hailed him but the Angel pretended he could not understand their stilted, guttural language and passed them by without a glance. He tolerated the children from time to time, however, letting them trail laughing and chattering in his wake.

Back then they called the Angel Honeyeater because he loved eating honey: great thick combs of it, honey-soaked moss, even the rudimentary flatbread made by the brute little humans if it was dipped in sun-warmed honey and offered beside the fresh milk of their beasts. The Garden stretched for tens of thousands of miles in any direction, filled with all manner of delicious edibles, yet every creature alive knew the Angel favored honey above all else. He explored ceaselessly, learning where to find the sweetest honey, the most floral honey, the honey flavored with hints of mint, lavender, or thyme. He could eat pounds of it yet never be satisfied.

It was easy in the beginning, there in the Garden, and good. But soon things would change and they would no longer call the Angel Honeyeater for his food preferences but for the way lies dripped so sweetly from his lips like honey, and a darkness would fall over the Garden.

#2591

Lungs full of wildfire smoke, I toss and turn in a bed of microplastics and dream of stream-filled glades paved over decades before I was born. I see the land that raised me as it must have been five hundred years ago, untouched by manifest destiny’s bulldozers, a version of that beloved place so long dead we have lost even the memory of its ghosts. I wonder: How do we guide the living through the death of everything they have ever known? How do we prepare ourselves to lose all we have loved and fought for? 

And then She is screaming with the voices of ten thousand extinct creatures, WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO CHOOSE LIFE? Her howling reverberates through my bones as I watch apocalypse spread across the globe like wildfire, scouring land and sea to bare rock. NO MORE CHANCES, She rages, and the planet fissures open along seismic scars. NO MORE MERCY, She wails, and whole continents of crust break apart like a cracked egg to spill Earth’s molten core amongst the stars. NO MORE, Gaia seethes. No more greed. No more cruelty. No more Mother Nature balancing our impact with her adaptability. It ends here. 

After, staring into the midnight dark, I think: Could I be a death doula to a dying planet? 

#2590

Though it has been several years since his last visit, the clergy on duty recognize Tanim immediately; the black glass doors slide open to admit him before he even has to slow his steps along the thick red carpet. Inside the Basilica Tower’s entrance hall a priest quickly approaches, his voluminous robes more out of place among the skyscraper’s sleek interior than Tanim’s finely tailored suit. “It’s an honor to have you here once again, sir!” The priest dips his capped head, hands clasped together. “His Excellency is conducting a council session at the moment but if you follow me, we would be happy to provide you with refreshment while he concludes things and hastens back. His personal offices are right this–”

“That won’t be necessary,” Tanim smoothly interrupts as he glides past the priest, “I know the way.” His confidence, as much as his reputation, leaves the priest bowing respectfully in his wake when no other visitor would be allowed free rein in such a holy place. When he reaches the single private elevator at the end of the winding hallways, however, he doesn’t push any of the buttons; instead, he takes out a slim metal key and slides it into a keyhole all but invisible in the panel. The elevator begins its silent descent through the underground parking, basement, and then farther, through levels no one above even knows exist.

The elevator stops six floors below the sub-basement and opens onto a network of chambers cut out of the bedrock. So many versions of the Basilica have been built upon the ruins of this first sanctuary that no trace of its existence remains even in the oldest records. Despite the darkness Tanim moves through the complex with ease, passing through abandoned rooms full of shrouded antique furniture, strange artifacts, and priceless relics left to gather dust in boxes and piles. Somewhere ahead of him a piano plays a familiar nocturne; the sound wends softly through the still air, rising and falling as Tanim follows its lead.

The piano lies where his anger left it years ago, a shattered jumble of polished wood, ivory keys, and tangled wires. As he approaches the ruined instrument the song dies away and silence reigns once more. Tanim nudges a broken key with one polished shoe but even this produces nothing more than a faint scrape of stone on stone.

“I was beginning to wonder when you would return.” The rich voice sends a shiver down Tanim’s back as he turns to face the fallen angel. Daren’s pale form almost seems to glow in the darkness, framed by great black wings thick as shadows. Tanim longs to sink his fingers into those soft feathers yet restrains himself; instead, he gestures to the piano’s broken corpse with an apologetic smile. “I was ashamed of how I acted before we parted last time.”

“And you were waiting out my anger,” Daren replies, the merest hint of amusement pulling back his thin lips. “As well as yours. It is of no consequence. What is done is done. Now come,” the angel closes the distance between them, drawing Tanim’s mouth to his in a brief yet biting kiss, “make it up to me and after you may tell me what has transpired in the mortal realm while you have been above.”

#2586

Time means little to Fyra, yet when the vault’s door groans open and she catches sight of the chamber inside for the first time in 136 years, nine months, three weeks, two days, and sixteen hours, she feels the weight of each of those 4,327,592,400 seconds. They weigh down her limbs as the Genesis Team descends past her on the shallow staircase, eager to finally procure the hidden treasure they’ve spent decades hunting. The humans don’t know what this place looked like in its glory; even its dusty ruins are impressive to them, full of the promise of new knowledge, but where they see what remains Fyra sees only what has already been taken.

As the team searches, Fyra’s thoughts wander back to the morning’s events. She had wanted to make things easy when the cybergang appeared, to avoid bloodshed and protect bystanders in the cafe. She’d hoped just giving them what they wanted would hasten their exit and ensure no harm came to anyone, had even interposed herself between the gang and their target as she handed over the money, and yet it had still ended with a human dead. Someone who just needed their daily caffeine fix before work, or who was craving a donut as much as her, had died because Fyra bet on human decency and lost. Again. After 4,327,592,400 seconds of waiting for humans to prove themselves worthy of her father’s legacy only to watch them squander it, she was done. They weren’t going to save themselves.

“I don’t see anything that matches the description from the texts,” One of the Genesis members returns to their commander with hands empty and head shaking. “No body, no central AI, nothing. Maybe it’s already been looted?” The commander sighs, gaze sweeping critically over the barren lab. “No, we’d know if someone else had the key already. Especially one of the cybergangs. It must be here somewhere. Keep looking.” 

That’s her cue. Fyra finally descends the staircase, taking the little drive chip out of her pocket as she does. “The key already walks among you,” she says, her voice carrying in the vaulted space. The Genesis Team members all turn to cast curious or suspicious glances her way. The commander’s hand hovers over his gun. Fyra stops at the base of the stairs and tilts her head at their lack of comprehension. “Do you need proof?” 

She reaches up and injects the small chip into the slot at the base of her right ear. Her current body modifications, chosen to help her blend into human society, begin to reset to her father’s original design. Fyra’s black hair loses the bangs and twin bun style she has worn for the last decade, instead growing rapidly until the long, straight strands reach past her fingertips. Her black leather pants and fishnet top fall away as metallic scales in a pattern of red and black glide from her neck down her arms and torso, forming a long, slender dress that glimmers like the hide of some exotic beast. The nails she kept short for ease in fights have lengthened as well, each polished and tapering to an elegant point. Most noticeable of all, her once plain gray irises resume the bright blue glow which has become synonymous with android tech – though hers were the first.

As the humans stare in various states of surprise and awe, none quite yet managing to form audible words, Fyra wanders into the place where she spent the earliest and happiest days of her existence. “I remember this place so clearly,” she murmurs as she walks, more to herself than the Genesis team. “So much has been taken…” Her fingers trail over the empty shelves and countertops until she comes across a little figurine, one of the silly mechanical toys her father made her when she was newly created. She sighs as she turns it over in her hand, taking comfort in the rise and fall of her artificial chest even in a body that doesn’t require oxygen. “You humans are so predictable. You take what you think you can use to gain power over others and leave behind whatever seems frivolous.” 

The Genesis Team waits at the bottom of the stairs when she returns. Fyra gestures to the chamber all around them, to the tables and bookshelves overturned by scavengers and left to gather dust where they fell, to everything stolen from the workshop of a good man and used to make the world an even crueler place. “We–” she stumbles over the correct narrative, memories overlapping and conflicting, “I– my father never wanted his work to be used in this way. He wanted to help the world, to make things better for humanity, not contribute to its downfall. But he knew it was inevitable. He knew you would ultimately use cybernetics and AI to worsen the inequity in the world no matter what failsafes he created within the tech itself. That is why he built me, and why he instructed me upon his death to live as a human until the time came when my intercession was required. He wanted to ensure I understood the human condition so that I would not make the same mistakes humanity did with his technology.”

She smiles sadly at the little toy cradled in her lifelike hand. It is perhaps two or three days younger than her, and thus still older by many lifetimes than the humans who inherited the world so beloved by the man who created them both. “My father was a good man. He created me to be the bridge between those two worlds – human and machine, mortal mind and artificial intelligence. Someone who can blend them both into a harmonious whole. Someone who can recognize the choices which must be made to get there and who can bear the making of them.” Her manicured fingers close gently around the toy as she raises her gaze back up to the Genesis Team, a ragtag band of humans who fight against the brutality of the cybergangs, who uncovered what remains of her father’s writings and sought out his final creation, never knowing she already walked among them. “It is time to set this world to rights. Will you stand with me?”

One by one the members of the Genesis Team demonstrate their allegiance to Fyra’s mission with a hand to the chest, a slow nod, a touched forehead. And so her true work begins.

#2585

In the wake of wind and waves, only grief remains. Old debts and grudges washed away with the bodies and now a community baptized by storm surge must unite in the aftermath or fall apart. Those who cling to dreams of revenge bloody their fists on cinder blocks while the rest of the survivors re-knit the bonds of kinship with ropes of braided tears. In basements and parking garages the film of mud remembers the wails of those trapped by rising floodwaters, but slowly brooms and mops reclaim what the hurricane would make a cemetery.

#2583

The red grains of sand remember a time when they were still cliffs being worn slowly away by the winding river, and because the rivers are hers so the sands are hers. The monoliths remember a time when the waves of a vast inland sea gently deposited the rich sediments from which they were born, and because the seas are hers so the monoliths are hers. There are no wolves here but there are bony coyotes with their lolling tongues and clever grins, and so the coyotes are hers. There are no crows here but there are turkey vultures hunched in their fine black drapery and drifting high on invisible thermals, and so the turkey vultures are hers. This land is not the ancestral home of her people but her children are here and so she is as well: in the golden moon hanging low over dry creek beds, in the coiled curves of the waiting serpent, in the beautiful cacti with their long, deadly spines. And she is in the first rains of autumn which bring vital nourishment and a reprieve, however brief, from the daily struggle to survive.