“Dear Dental Hygienist”

I exercise frequently, though not joyfully.
I get my eight hours of sleep, my eight glasses of water, my three meals a day.
I don’t eat red meat or greasy food,
fatty food, fried food, or fast food.
I take vitamins B and D, and Airborne when I get a cold.
I go to the doctor, the chiropractor, and the dentist
and I floss every night.
I look both ways before crossing the street;
I don’t smoke, drink alcohol, or drive without my seatbelt.
So, you know what?
If I want to drink sugary black tea every day
and rot my teeth in the process,
I feel I’ve earned it.
I think I’ll live.