“Mama, look!” Dia’deferde’t’mana’nbat’shi glanced down from where she stood arranging flowers for the night’s celebration – and right into the wide, emotionless eyes of a small garden snake. Its head bobbed up and down as her youngest daughter bounced on the balls of her feet to compensate for her toddler stature. “He’s like us!” she crowed, wiggling her red tail as evidence. “See?”

“Rem’r!” Dia drew back in disgust, both relieved and further repulsed to see the snake was alive, its tongue flicking in and out while it most likely plotted the invasion of her villa. “How many times have I told you not to bring anything that is alive, or was once alive, or that could become alive into the house?” She made as if to push her daughter back out the door, but hesitated before coming within striking distance of the snake. “Honey, just…” she gestured toward the door, “go put that thing back where you found it… or farther away than that. And wash your hands.” From beyond the snake’s questing head, Rem’r’s chubby face crumpled. “But he’s like us!” she repeated, trying with upstretched arms and tippy-toes to show her mother the snake. “He has a tail and we have tails! He’s family!”

“Guh!” Dia shuddered involuntarily. “We are not like that… thing!” She circled around her daughter, then gently pushed her toward the door. “Snakes aren’t related to tieflings. Snakes are scaly and slimy and… and creepy crawly little monsters!” At the threshold to the patio she stopped and gave her daughter a final stern nudge. “Do go put that gross thing back, Rem’r. It’s time to come inside anyway. The guests will be here soon.”

“Okay, Mama…” Rem’r cast her a last pouting look, then turned away. Dia watched her daughter trudge down to one of the far gardens, ensuring the snake was good and truly released, then turned back to her preparations. How Rem’r had turned out so odd, and so unlike her three older daughters, she had no idea.

– – –

“A basilisk! How wonderful!” While the rest of her party backed away in understandable caution, Rem’r moved toward the beast emerging lithely from the forest. It wore a hood much like a hunting bird’s, the better to protect them all from its stony stare – though chances were great that Rem’r would have approached the creature anyway without it. She let it sniff her hands, then walked in a circle to take it in from all angles.

“His name is Eli,” the sorceress explained, clearly pleased that at least one in the party didn’t fear a creature of the Fae Wilds. “He’ll come with you, as long as you are sure to feed him. Basilisks require quite a lot of food.” Nodding in agreement, Rem’r scratched the basilisk under the chin and cooed, “Eli, you’re such a sweetie. Who’s a good boy? You are! Do you wanna come with us to kill the big bad witch?”

“Are you actually petting him?” From a safe vantage point, Never attempted rationality. “You know what basilisks are, don’t you? And what they can do? We are not taking that monster with us; it’ll probably eat us before we’re halfway there!”

“HEY!” Rem’r turned an indignant and furious look upon the dragonborn, her tail lashing back and forth. “He’s not a monster! He’s a basilisk, and a very nice one at that. Basilisks are important apex predators and a crucial link in the food chain of–” She kept lecturing but the others had, as usual, already tuned her out and were settling the details of the agreement with the sorceress. She gave the general gathering a final glare and turned back to Eli. “You’re not a monster,” she reassured him. “You’re a very good boy and I bet without you the whole local ecosystem would collapse.”



His are a rich man’s hands, smooth and strong. His fingers could knot a tie in the dark and discern Armani from Prada from Dolce and Gabbana with just a touch. Crystal decanters, gold watches, diamond cufflinks, his hands have held and discarded more fortunes than most will see in a lifetime. These hands served him well in the world of blue blood and white teeth, where a firm handshake might speak more clearly than words. Having left that world behind, these steady, capable hands have learned to wield a syringe with care and how to make a stranger climax in a dirty restroom. His hands never cared for the money and riches that passed through them, but they strip clothing and grasp flesh with the hungry strength of the addict. So, too, do they twist hair in misery, hurl glasses in anger, light cigarette after cigarette until the ashtray is full and the bottle is empty.


[ Yo check out my new D&D character, she’s based on several professors of mine and Evie from The Mummy! Speaking of which, I drew her in one of Evie’s outfits (normally she has light leather armor). ]


Name: Remr’knali’v’sarna’nbat’shi
Nickname: Remr
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Race: Tiefling
Class: Ranger
Background: Sage/researcher
Alignment: Neutral Good
Level: 4
General physical description: Red skin, yellow eyes, black hair (a double sidecut with bangs, usually held up in a bun by several writing implements), two horns on her upper forehead (one above each eye)
Orientation: Oblivious (she’ll end up some sort of queer, but for now she’s too involved in her work to think about it)
Relationship status: Married to her job
Family: Well-to-do mother and father, three older female siblings
Job: Associate Professor of Biology
Dress style: Tends toward comfort over appearance, clothes are often muddy, ripped, ink stained, and covered in bits of melted candle wax, wears a belt from which hang sample bags, a compass, a magnifying glass, and other necessary scientific tools
Companion: A long-suffering mule named Abigail
Religion: Agnostic but very excited about the possibility of meeting a god or gods when she dies, as she has lots of questions to ask them
Hobbies: Geology, ecology, anthropology, climatology, mythology, sociology, learning new languages, translating ancient texts, barely ever sleeping, writing notes to herself on her clothes, skin, or whatever else is at hand
Favorite food: Chocolate covered coffee beans
Catchphrase: “Fascinating!”
Strongest positive personality trait: Very outgoing and non-judgmental
Strongest negative personality trait: Extremely flighty
Sense of humor: Jovial and nerdy, but often accidentally pretentious
Temper: Friendly, upbeat, intense but well-meaning, hard to anger or offend, socially awkward but unaware of it
Consideration for others: Assumes everyone is as excited about learning as she is, has no concept of personal space or privacy
How other people see her: They either love her or hate her, depending on how they deal with such high energy levels and the conversational equivalent of pinball. Additionally, she can come off as pretentious or thoughtless.
Opinion of herself: Best Professor Ever!
Background: Being the high energy, ambitious late-in-life child of aging parents who had already raised three other daughters, Remr was often instructed to “go play outside” or “find something quiet to do”. She spent most of her time alone, either reading every scrap of text available or exploring the natural world. Her parents had hoped she would follow in her sisters’ footsteps and take up the noble family occupation of being a succubus, but it was clear early on that she was destined for the university. She and her parents parted on good terms, though they are wary of the packages she sends home; they sometimes contain dead, or not-so-dead, specimens. She is currently an Associate Professor on an extended sabbatical (the university may perhaps keep extending it in the hope she doesn’t come back).
Philosophy of life: Attainment of knowledge is the noblest pursuit to which one may dedicate their life, and nothing (even the law) should stand in the way of furthering our understanding of the world.
Most important thing to know about this character: She may be a flighty science nerd, but she has a rock hammer and an ice pick and she knows how to use them.


[ I don’t have any writing for you today, so here’s some geeky info on my characters (and myself, there on the end). Enjoy! ]

Category Tanim Daren Mage The Scribe
Sexual Orientation Asexual?? Asexual Asexual Asexual
Romantic Orientation Homoromantic Aromantic Aromantic Queer
Astrological Sign Cancer Scorpio Aries Leo
Element Water Earth Fire Earth
Sin Lust Sloth Pride Sloth
Virtue Charity Patience Diligence Temperance
D&D Alignment Chaotic good Neutral Chaotic neutral Neutral good
D&D Class Fighter Rogue Mage Mage
Assassin’s Creed Templar Assassin Assassin Assassin
Hogwarts House Gryffindor Slytherin Slytherin Ravenclaw
Pokémon Team Fire Ghost/Dark Ice/Electric Eevee evolutions
Bender Element Fire Water (blood) Fire (lightning) Water


[ More questions for me to answer about Tanim and Daren, courtesy of the girlfriend! ]

7) If they went to college, what would they choose to major in?

I could see Tanim majoring in music, or perhaps religion. Music because he’s always been musically inclined and I think he might gravitate toward it as a major if he had complete freedom of choice; it would be such a relief from the oppressive and dry nature of business or economics, which are what his father would want him to major in. On the other hand, he might also choose to major in religion, or something related to that topic, because of his continuous search for something greater than himself to which he can devote himself. Majoring in religion would give him the opportunity to seek out the enlightenment or surrender he craves, albeit in an academic setting.

Daren would probably choose epidemiology, or something else with a focus on destructive forces like viruses. He’d probably be really good at it, too, but his classmates would all be a little freaked out by how much he admired the power of smallpox. Like, he’d say something about how it’s too bad human experimentation is illegal, and when someone laughed awkwardly he’d be like, “I wasn’t joking. It’s a waste of viable scientific inquiry. If you want to understand a virus, you have to watch it in action.” And then no one would want to be his lab partner – which, honestly, he’d prefer anyway.

8) What is their favorite meal to cook for each other?

Neither of them can really cook, and neither of them are big on eating actual meals. In fact, it’s pretty impressive that either of them is even still alive by the time they meet each other. If Daren has to cook for either of them, he’ll make toast or something equally simple like Cup O Noodles. Tanim is slightly more capable, at least because he frets over Daren not eating enough. He can probably manage soup of the from-scratch variety if he really tries, though there’s no guarantee Daren will eat it. In the end I think they subsist off of pantry staples like bread, peanut butter, canned soup, cereal, and noodles. And whiskey, of course, in Tanim’s case. So I guess my question is… does heating water count as cooking?

9) What historical event would they have taken part in?

This might sound really weird, but I could see Tanim getting sucked into China’s Cultural Revolution. I think Mao’s teachings would really appeal to him as the grudging son of an affluent family who flaunts and wastes its wealth. He might see the Cultural Revolution as a way to throw off not only society’s chains of greed and tradition, but also his own chains as well. I’d like to think he wouldn’t necessarily commit some of the atrocities China’s youth did in that time, but Tanim can be incredibly passionate and obsessive. It would be easy for a charismatic leader to win his loyalty, especially if Tanim believed that sacrifice would be necessary for the greater good.

As for Daren, he would probably have been involved in some historical event which is still surrounded by mystery, like the disappearance of the Mary Celeste’s crew or the Roanoke colony. I’d say he could have been Jack the Ripper, but Daren’s much too precise in his kills to do something so flashy. He could also be one of the many ghosts from famous hauntings. Either way, he would definitely have something to do with a creepy unsolved mystery.

10) If they were Kemetic, who would their patron gods be?

I think Tanim would be drawn to Anubis because He weighs the souls of the dead. Tanim would be convinced he’d never pass the weighing of his heart, that it would be found heavier than Ma’at’s feather and given to Ammit to devour. I don’t think he’d necessarily become a devotee to Anubis to try to curry favor or change his fate, of course. I think he’d just feel a kinship and fascination with any underworld god. Similarly, I could also see him becoming  a devotee of Osiris.

Daren would probably choose to work with Set, but it would actually be Sekhmet who called to him in the end. She would admire Daren’s determination to survive and he would find kinship in Her ferocity and independence. They’re both ruthless yet protective of those they love, and they both remember any and every slight against them. Daren would respect Sekhmet, but he wouldn’t fear Her, and I think She would appreciate that. They’d make a good, if terrifying, team.

11) What would they each have on their night stands?

On top of Tanim’s nightstand (or in the drawer) would be an empty tumbler of whiskey, a lighter, a package of cigarettes, a bottle of sleeping pills or prescription pain killers, and possibly a gun. On top of Daren’s nightstand would be a switchblade and a silver lighter, and maybe a bloody handkerchief; that’s it. (He steals Tanim’s cigarettes.)

12) If they became vampires, what would they change their names to?

I don’t think Tanim would change his name. He would probably just go by his first name, and eventually his family name of Rosenquist would die out. No one would know he was the last of that line, or that the heir to the family fortune was still alive. Maybe he’d even live in their old abandoned manor, years after the last human family member has passed on. That seems suitably ironic and tragic for him.

Daren, on the other hand, for the most part wouldn’t even bother telling anyone his name. This would probably cause him to be given a nickname over time, especially by anyone who either knew who/what he was or anyone who suspected his unnatural longevity. I could see him being called Ghost or Phantom or something like that. He wouldn’t hate the nickname, nor would he particularly like it. He’d just be content with his true identity remaining unknown… of course, to everyone but Tanim.


[ Questions for me to answer about Tanim and Daren, courtesy of the girlfriend! ]

1) What ice cream topping do they each prefer?

I feel like Tanim would go classic and sweet; chocolate syrup, nuts, and maraschino cherries. Maybe caramel or whipped cream, too. Daren would probably refuse any topping, but then Tanim would be like “YOU WEIGH NOTHING; HAVE MORE SUGAR” so he’d roll his eyes and add a single scoop of rainbow sprinkles.

2) What kind of vehicle would they prefer to drive?

Tanim would have something very fast and very expensive, probably shiny black with halogen lights and heated leather seats. He wouldn’t have done any research beforehand; he’d just go to a dealership, point at something pretty while ignoring the price tag, and buy it with cash. I don’t know what he’d use the car for… trips to buy more alcohol, I guess, and to meet up with his dealer.

Daren would probably choose a motorcycle, if he could. He would want something sleek and maneuverable that he could use to get around without notice. It’s hard to see him driving something in general, though. He seems more at home in the very last car of a sketchy subway or something. Or just walking, since it’s what he’s used to and is the easiest way to quickly disappear.

3) At a restaurant that serves breakfast 24/7, do they order breakfast outside of the morning or not?

Daren always chooses breakfast. Toast, black coffee, maybe eggs if he’s feeling adventurous or if Tanim is particularly guilting him about not eating enough. Tanim would order whatever sounded good at the moment, no matter the time of day. I don’t think he usually has much of a grasp, or care, as to what time of day it is anyway. I suppose that comes from mostly going out at night.

4) What Assassin’s Creed game do you think they would each enjoy playing the most? What would their gamer IDs be?

Daren would definitely enjoy Rogue. He would appreciate Shay’s story line about defecting from the Assassins and then fighting against them for the Templars, especially when Shay has to hunt down his former friends. More so, though, I think Daren would love Haytham Kenway. Haytham’s brutality and dry wit would amuse him to no end; he’d probably play the beginning of Assassin’s Creed 3 just to murder people as Haytham. As for his gamer ID, it would probably be something like “StAnthonysGhost”.

Tanim would probably like Assassin’s Creed Unity the most. He would identify with Arno’s story of loss and vengeance, as well as Arno’s self-destructive side and the immense guilt he carries. Plus, Tanim would appreciate Arno going against the wishes of the Assassin leadership to do what he thought was right. Tanim’s gamer ID would be something ironic or self-deprecating like “ProdigalSon”.

5) What television shows and movies would they enjoy?

I know for a fact they both love Hannibal, for obvious reasons. I think they would also both like Cowboy Bebop, Dollhouse, and  possibly the first season of American Horror Story. Tanim would like Dexter, though Daren wouldn’t care for it. I could see Daren liking Archer, though, and maybe anything with Gordon Ramsay yelling at people. They’d both like mindfuck movies like Inception, Fight Club, Memento, and Frailty. Tanim would like Hellboy and Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy; Daren would like Oldboy and 28 Days Later. They’d both like Equilibrium – but then again, who doesn’t?

6) If they were in a band, what instrument would they play?

Tanim would definitely be the lead singer, and would probably also play the guitar. Technically he can already play the violin, so there’s that as well. I could also see Daren being the lead singer (of a very specific kind of band), though I can’t really see him playing an instrument. Maybe the drums, because he’d certainly be impressively fast on them.