#2022

So I was digging around my old Tumblr posts and stumbled across something of which I inexplicably have no memory. It was tagged #dreams, so I suppose it was inspired by a dream I had, but even that is drawing a huge blank. Anyway, I was clearly amused by the idea of Mage as Haytham Kenway’s (Grand Master of the Templar Order’s Colonial Rite, duh) daughter and I can’t believe I didn’t do anything more with it. This doesn’t really count as writing, but it needs to be immortalized somewhere.

[Mild Assassins Creed spoilers below]

Just imagine!

Mage as Haytham Kenway’s legitimate daughter, which would basically make her Templar royalty.
Mage wrecking shit up during the Revolutionary War.
Mage killing Assassins for Fun and Profit.
Mage being the child Haytham is super proud of, though even the Templars are a little scared of her.
Mage saying “May the Mother of Understanding guide us” just to piss off the crusty old Templar dudes.
Mage with a British accent??
Mage breaking like every lady’s etiquette rule of the time, much to the offense of almost everyone except for Haytham.
Mage being on the side of the Templars during the Seven Years’ War, yet also highly amused whenever the Assassins accidentally destroy another city.
Mage as captain of the Jolly Roger, fighting alongside Shay on the open sea.
Mage and Shay not really getting along, but playing nice around Dad.
Mage defeating Connor in battle to avenge her father’s death.
Mage becoming Grand Master in Haytham’s place because the other colonial Templars are all useless or dead.
Mage and Haytham father/daughter bonding time: interrogating people and then killing them when they’ve given you all the useful information they know.
Mage in Georgian/Industrial Revolution era clothing, but all black and piratey. Possibly even some sort of hook hand that doubles as a hidden blade?
Mage in Haytham’s kickass cape.
Mage hearing about Haytham shooting Achilles in the knee and being like “my dad is such a softy :)”.
Mage being such a daddy’s girl, but it’s totally understandable because her dad is HAYTHAM MOTHERFUCKING KENYWAY.

Advertisements

#1897

[ I don’t have any writing for you today, so here’s some geeky info on my characters (and myself, there on the end). Enjoy! ]

Category Tanim Daren Mage The Scribe
Sexual Orientation Asexual?? Asexual Asexual Asexual
Romantic Orientation Homoromantic Aromantic Aromantic Queer
Astrological Sign Cancer Scorpio Aries Leo
Element Water Earth Fire Earth
Sin Lust Sloth Pride Sloth
Virtue Charity Patience Diligence Temperance
D&D Alignment Chaotic good Neutral Chaotic neutral Neutral good
D&D Class Fighter Rogue Mage Mage
Assassin’s Creed Templar Assassin Assassin Assassin
Hogwarts House Gryffindor Slytherin Slytherin Ravenclaw
Pokémon Team Fire Ghost/Dark Ice/Electric Eevee evolutions
Bender Element Fire Water (blood) Fire (lightning) Water

#1753

[ Questions for me to answer about Tanim and Daren, courtesy of the girlfriend! ]

1) What ice cream topping do they each prefer?

I feel like Tanim would go classic and sweet; chocolate syrup, nuts, and maraschino cherries. Maybe caramel or whipped cream, too. Daren would probably refuse any topping, but then Tanim would be like “YOU WEIGH NOTHING; HAVE MORE SUGAR” so he’d roll his eyes and add a single scoop of rainbow sprinkles.

2) What kind of vehicle would they prefer to drive?

Tanim would have something very fast and very expensive, probably shiny black with halogen lights and heated leather seats. He wouldn’t have done any research beforehand; he’d just go to a dealership, point at something pretty while ignoring the price tag, and buy it with cash. I don’t know what he’d use the car for… trips to buy more alcohol, I guess, and to meet up with his dealer.

Daren would probably choose a motorcycle, if he could. He would want something sleek and maneuverable that he could use to get around without notice. It’s hard to see him driving something in general, though. He seems more at home in the very last car of a sketchy subway or something. Or just walking, since it’s what he’s used to and is the easiest way to quickly disappear.

3) At a restaurant that serves breakfast 24/7, do they order breakfast outside of the morning or not?

Daren always chooses breakfast. Toast, black coffee, maybe eggs if he’s feeling adventurous or if Tanim is particularly guilting him about not eating enough. Tanim would order whatever sounded good at the moment, no matter the time of day. I don’t think he usually has much of a grasp, or care, as to what time of day it is anyway. I suppose that comes from mostly going out at night.

4) What Assassin’s Creed game do you think they would each enjoy playing the most? What would their gamer IDs be?

Daren would definitely enjoy Rogue. He would appreciate Shay’s story line about defecting from the Assassins and then fighting against them for the Templars, especially when Shay has to hunt down his former friends. More so, though, I think Daren would love Haytham Kenway. Haytham’s brutality and dry wit would amuse him to no end; he’d probably play the beginning of Assassin’s Creed 3 just to murder people as Haytham. As for his gamer ID, it would probably be something like “StAnthonysGhost”.

Tanim would probably like Assassin’s Creed Unity the most. He would identify with Arno’s story of loss and vengeance, as well as Arno’s self-destructive side and the immense guilt he carries. Plus, Tanim would appreciate Arno going against the wishes of the Assassin leadership to do what he thought was right. Tanim’s gamer ID would be something ironic or self-deprecating like “ProdigalSon”.

5) What television shows and movies would they enjoy?

I know for a fact they both love Hannibal, for obvious reasons. I think they would also both like Cowboy Bebop, Dollhouse, and  possibly the first season of American Horror Story. Tanim would like Dexter, though Daren wouldn’t care for it. I could see Daren liking Archer, though, and maybe anything with Gordon Ramsay yelling at people. They’d both like mindfuck movies like Inception, Fight Club, Memento, and Frailty. Tanim would like Hellboy and Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy; Daren would like Oldboy and 28 Days Later. They’d both like Equilibrium – but then again, who doesn’t?

6) If they were in a band, what instrument would they play?

Tanim would definitely be the lead singer, and would probably also play the guitar. Technically he can already play the violin, so there’s that as well. I could also see Daren being the lead singer (of a very specific kind of band), though I can’t really see him playing an instrument. Maybe the drums, because he’d certainly be impressively fast on them.

#1586

“Haytham Motherfucking Kenway”

I just want to write
a haiku about Haytham
why is this so hard

he’s fucking badass
king of sass and murdering
what more do you want

he’s the kind of guy
who makes you want to switch sides
(sorry, Ezio)

like steel wrapped in silk
Assassin blood, Templar drive
do not fuck with him

just skip through Black Flag
go from AC3 to Rogue
Haytham FTW

problematic fave
I always love the villains
but can’t you see why?

not the best dad, sure
at least he passed on his sass
Connor, be grateful

#1517 – Winter Solstice

Tanim slid the deadbolt home and turned slowly, surveying the apartment with a critical eye while one hand moved to pull the gun from his coat pocket. He checked the locks on the living room windows first; they appeared secure, as did those in the library and bathroom. Neither the closets nor the dark spaces beneath furniture contained phantoms lurking in wait. He moved on to his bedroom, checking both walk-in closet and balcony with the gun drawn and ready, yet nothing leaped from the shadows. With this last room secure Tanim finally let himself relax enough to set the revolver down on his bedside table and reach for a cigarette.

“Need a light?”

Tanim whirled around, grabbing desperately again for the gun and aiming at a shadow by the balcony door which he had most certainly checked just a moment ago. From its depths a figure stepped, clad in a long black coat with a hood which concealed the wearer’s face. Tanim scowled, leveling the revolver toward the hidden visage. “Fucking assassins. Can’t you people use the front door for once?” The figure chuckled, but it was not a kind laugh. Nor was it an unfamiliar one. Before Tanim could speak the name burning his lips, two pale hands rose to fold back the hood and he found himself staring into eyes as dark and hard as the shadows which had just obscured them. He swallowed, fighting to keep the hand holding the revolver from trembling noticeably. “So. They finally sent you.”

Daren shrugged languidly, his expression unreadable. “You’ve managed to kill the last three, and they were not novices. What did you expect?” A smile flickered over his thin lips. “But of course, you did expect this. Why else the fear? The paranoia? Those emotions are not becoming to someone so high in the Templar ranks.”

“Skulking in the shadows is certainly becoming to you,” Tanim spat. “Did they send you because they think I can’t harm you? I can. I will, if I have to. If you make me.”

“If you recall, I am the only one who can make you do anything,” The assassin moved forward with a slow, easy stride, hands loose at his sides as if this were nothing more than an old lovers’ spat. “And you so enjoyed the things I had you do…” He chuckled lowly as Tanim backed away, edging toward the open bedroom door in an attempt to keep as much distance between himself and Daren as possible. That Daren had not made a grab for the revolver yet was no comfort; Tanim had little hope he could hit him even at this distance, as fast as Daren was – not to mention the man would sense his intention before he ever fired and likely throw off his aim. He had to get out of the confines of the apartment. “I remember you rather enjoying them as well,” Tanim quipped back, buying time as he came in line with the doorway. “And yet, here we are.”

“Yes,” The wry twist to Daren’s mouth could not quite be called a smile. “Here we are.” Without another word the assassin shot forward. Tanim fired rapidly; when he felt Daren’s hand knock the revolver from his grip, he turned to flee toward the back of the apartment. Daren’s cold laughter followed him as he burst through the private roof access door, though Daren himself did not seem to be in pursuit. He climbed the stairs two at a time, throwing open the heavy metal door at the top and stepping out into the chill night. Perhaps he could jump down to one of the adjacent roofs, or–

“Come, Tanim, this farce makes fools of us both. Stop running from your own desire,” Tanim whirled around. Framed against the city lights, Daren’s silhouette stood like a scrap of darkness atop the roof ledge. The assassin had not donned the iconic hood again, though Tanim found himself wishing he had; it was easier to fight back when his opponent was just another faceless enemy. Yet there could be no denying the history between them, and when Tanim spoke his voice lacked vehemence. “Desire?” He managed a bitter laugh. “Yes, this is what I want; to die at the hands of someone who once loved me and now hunts me like an animal.”

Daren held his hands out, encompassing the whole of their stage. “And yet you ran up to the roof, from whence there is no escape, instead of down to the street.” Tanim had no snide response to that; turning his back to Daren, he surveyed the glittering city skyline and tried to ignore the accuracy of Daren’s observation. An inexplicable weariness settled over him and the urge to flee numbed to a dull ache of regret.

“Aren’t you tired of running, Tanim?” Daren’s voice issued from directly behind him, though Tanim had not even heard the assassin step down from the ledge. “They will never cease hunting you. Better that it be myself who does the deed, don’t you think? You know I will be quick.” Tanim shuddered at the familiar sensation of warm breath against his neck but refused to glance back. Instead, he closed his eyes and shook his head ruefully. “I suppose it was always going to come to this end, wasn’t it.”

“We are what we are,” Daren replied, and Tanim imagined he could almost hear a note of remorse in the words. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter as cool fingers slid along the line of his jaw, hesitating over but never quite touching his lips. It was all he could do not to lean back into Daren’s embrace, let alone pull away or manage a struggle. He wondered if things might have been different, had they not been driven apart by this ancient enmity. Somehow, he doubted it, and that thought gave him a queer comfort.

When the assassin spoke next, his voice was a low murmur against Tanim’s ear. “Requiescat in pace, frater.” Daren’s hidden blade made no sound as it slid from its sheath against his arm, nor as he drew it across Tanim’s neck in a single swift movement.

[ For those of you who have started following my blog since the summer solstice – hello! welcome! you might regret this! – you can read the solstice myth to understand better why my characters murder each other so gosh darn frequently. ]