Twenty-two years it’s been and yet still each spring when the roadside ditches flood I glance to the quick flowing waters and the green grass waving within their currents and pointedly do not think about you, I do not think about how I found your limp little body stretched out in a similar water-logged ditch just steps away from the safety of home yet now forever gone, forever stolen from me, forever beyond where I can follow, and I definitely do not think about my sister recalling, decades later, how my wailing preceded me up the long walk from the road to the house, or how I didn’t even have the decency to carry you myself but waited until my parents returned, had them confirm what I already knew, and I certainly never think about how I failed you, my sweet boy barely out of kittenhood, how I failed you, how I failed you failed you failed you, I just turn my eyes away from those flooded banks and pretend I never saw a thing.
I only hit “like” because I can relate to the sentiment. About ten years ago, I was driving to work when I saw a kitten that had been struck by a car on the side of the road. As he was trying to get up and I was trying to pull over to help, he was struck again, this time fatally. Ironically, this was right in front of an animal hospital. I took him inside just in case, but it was already too late. Still gets me.
Not knowing the details in your case, I’m not sure what you could have done. But you were young, and I’m sure your boy knows that you would have done more if you could have. Hugs.
I’m so sorry you had to experience something so traumatic – though I’m glad that little one had someone trying to help him in his last moments. 😥