Everyone says the Morrigan tears your life apart in order to rebuild you from the ground up, so that’s what I expected: rapid, inescapable destruction. I worried over when the hammer would drop and what part of my life it would utterly wreck. Would I see it coming? Would I have any agency in the matter? Would I even survive the breaking? No subtle goddess, She; surely Her lightning would strike without warning and send my carefully constructed tower crumbling to the ground.
Lightning did strike, though of course not in the way I expected. It was a flash of illumination, not destruction, and it revealed my tower in all its fearful glory. I knew then that the Morrigan had no intention of tearing down that tower – she intends me to do it. Brick by brick, inch by inch, I will dig at the mortar until my nails are cracked and bleeding. I have been building this tower all my life, though my work began in earnest when my father died eleven years ago. To dismantle my tower I will need to deal with the grief I locked away inside. And that is correct and right, I know it in my heart. After all, what do you learn from someone else doing the heavy lifting?
Still, part of me longs for the quick, crushing swing of the wrecking ball.
Only Fragments 
I think that She and Rhiannon (yes, “sweet” Rhiannon) are doing the same to me. It’s been a brutal year, and events continue to confirm my fear of the cause of my life falling apart. I’m starting to understand, though, that it’s the only way I’ll ever have real control over my own life. I’m 45 1/2. I’ve never had my own life. I want the rest of my life for me.
It sounds so easy to put our faith in the gods… until they entirely shake up our world. Still, they do so for good reasons, even if the process is painful. I’m glad you are finding your freedom after so many years!