I don’t have any writing to post today because I’m a terrible writer, so here’s all the cool shit my D&D character Remr, biologist extraordinaire!, has managed to do in just two… rounds? Meetings? Episodes? What do you– whatever. Here you go:

• She asked a man wearing a mouth mask, “What’s wrong with your face?” in an attempt to figure out if he was contagious or not. When he was understandably offended, she mistook his reaction for a language barrier and proceeded to talk slowly and loudly and to mime the concept of contagious diseases. Her efforts were not appreciated.
• She tried to talk to an owlbear in order to become friends with it so it wouldn’t attack the party. Did not work. Almost died.
• She gleefully examined the owlbear’s giant nest full of droppings and owlbear pellets and other gross stuff, for research purposes.
• She looted the skeleton of a club-footed child from a sarcophagus, for research purposes.
• She traded the child skeleton for a cursed half-orc finger bone, also for research purposes.
• She managed to deliver the killing blow to a frost wight after only taking three entire turns just to fire her lightning arrow.
• She drank a sample of a mysterious potion while in FantasyCostco and turned temporarily green. She also lost 8 HP.
• She took a sample of a mysterious and incredibly dangerous fungus, for research purposes.
• She tugged on a horse leg she found under a bush in order to ascertain whether it was attached to anything. It was. The horse leg was attached to a dead horse and she consequently got the party attacked by dire wolves.
• She accidentally lead her party into the fae wilds after promising some pixies the party would kill an old lady who is probably definitely a witch.
• She has somehow become the charge of the party’s very long-suffering dragonborn bard (my fiance, so maybe it’s not so surprising…), and takes great delight in reminding him that they’re basically family. She makes him be her roomie and stays up all night telling him about her thesis (which has to do with the biological differences between centaurs and mermaids).
• Also, she has become BFFs with the halfling pirate in the party and got drunk in a tavern with her and a bunch of sailors, for research purposes.

Look at this fuckin nerd.