It’s like the Universe said, “Okay, count off by fours,” and then this is your group for the rest of eternity, and you of course get stuck as leader, which mostly means being the one who writes everything down and stands up in front of the class to present it all because Team Member A is busy carving bad words into the table and Team Member B is Too Cool for School and is pointedly ignoring absolutely everything and Team Member C is making moon eyes at Team Member B and at the end of class when you try to divvy up the work they’ll already have run off to fuck in the bathroom, and Team Member A is off to smoke behind the bleachers, and you’ll be left wondering what the hell to do with all that but hey, they’re your team and you all get the same grade, and maybe this metaphor went a little sideways but the point is, group projects in high school are apparently meant to prepare you for being one part of a ragtag band of spiritual misfits who are as stuck with you as you are with them, so you might as well cooperate for a passing grade, or at least take the offered cigarette so they’ll think you’re cool. Or something.

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