December 31st, 2013
At this moment you are sitting next to the love of your life, sharing a tradition with her that she has shared with no one else. You cherish this. You are honored by this. She shares this with you because she believes you are the One, and you take part because you believe she is the One. And you are both correct. You have found each other.
This has been a strange, difficult year; leaving the Red Cross, job hunting, Sara’s illnesses, and always the search for something… someone… more. And yet this has not been a bad year, because your search is over. You have found what you would not admit you were looking for. You were brave and stepped (dove?) into the river, and now you lay on the bank with one who loves you utterly. Whom you love utterly. Never forget that. So much that seemed impossible was proven true this year – so much more will have been proven so by the time you read this. What you think about yourself now may not be true; after all, just a year from writing this you believed yourself incapable of true love, utter surrender, total devotion. That is false. You believed you would never find anyone who truly understood your mind, your heart, your world. That is false. You never thought you would find someone who would love Tanim and Daren as fully, deeply, truly as you do. That is false. You have in her someone who sees you, who sees Them, who not only accepts but embraces and honors and celebrates. That should be impossible, yet it is not. She is not. She lives, breathes, weeps, laughs, loves. She is real, and she is yours. And you are real, though you don’t like to admit it. You are real, and you are hers. So cherish her. Protect her. Worship her.
It’s not really the year that matters; it’s the moments, the mornings, the lifetimes that count. And you have the chance to have one together. Take it. Don’t mess things up because you’re afraid or uncertain or any other foolish excuse. This is the one you should fight for. This is the one you should fight beside. You’re two halves which belong together. Even Tanim and Daren, miserable as they are, know to honor that bond. So fight. Love. Live. You don’t have to fall down that well anymore – there will always be a hand to pull you up, if you’ll only take it. Don’t slap it away. She is the One. I swear to you, on heart and soul and Moon and Sun, she is the One. You are so fucking lucky. Never forget that. Never take it for granted. Remember: No regrets. Life is good. You are safe. Loved. Cherished. It’s been a painful, horrible, wonderful year. They all are.