In times of torment I seek the solace of hymns and psalms, not to confirm to me my place in the world but to remove me from it, to unspool and unmake me until I am neither flesh nor bone, until I am nothing but awareness without corporeality through which the pure, weightless, judgeless music passes, its harmonic crescendo a fitting replacement for the physical heartbeat I so gladly sacrifice for this unfettered form, and along this cresting wave I am drawn until at its peak I am truly lost within the melody, no memory of the self bound by faulty heart, abnormal mind, dysfunctional body, and as I fall I am only the energy of harnessed understanding, that precious glimpse into an impossibility which in the morning, imprisoned and encumbered once more in an inadequate vessel, will feel so far, so weak, so achingly beyond this unworthy yet struggling sentience, but it is a temporary state of reprieve and too easily the silence takes hold and plunges me back into this inescapable moment as if I have only ever been here, mouth shaping words too good for someone so utterly lacking.

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