There is a secret locked within the chords of these songs, an understanding, a door, a fulfillment, yet no matter how many times I listen I cannot grasp the key. I can feel its existence, an aching deep in my breast that suffocates me some nights, others breaks my chest apart, but I cannot take it in hand to open the lock. There is something wrong with my body or my heart or my mind and I am not allowed, unworthy, unwanted. I am not the right one. I will never be the right one. Wanting is not enough to open the gates. Wanting is not enough to make me whole. Everything I feel is wrong. I am off. I am defective. I am unworthy.