#1152

“The first time I let him suck me off was behind the locked door of his office. He called me beautiful and I knew he meant it. Did he ever mean that when he said it to you?”

Sometimes, in the night mostly, I rehearse what I’ll say to her when the truth is finally revealed. The tone depends on my mood at the moment, rational or bitter or triumphant, gloating or pitying even, but most times I like that start best. A little harsh, maybe, but in the middle of the night when I’m alone in bed, the sheets cold on either side and the apartment so empty and silent, I don’t feel particularly charitable. So she spent nights alone, wondering, waiting? Well, so did I, and suffered more through each one than she did in all the years of her sham marriage. She can feel embarrassed and betrayed when the time comes but she gets what she wants out of Tanim: money, social status, connections. All I want is Tanim himself, just him, and I can’t ever really have that. All I get are risked glances, fleeting moments, stolen hours covered by lies. I hadn’t known until him how good a liar I can be if I have something to lose. Still, it’ll all come out eventually. These things always do; why not be prepared? She thinks she has a wicked tongue but I’ve been sharpening mine for months.

“Even if he was never truly mine, he was never really yours, either,” I’ll tell that bitch, “and that’s something at least.”

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