You say they don’t understand but they do, darling, and they speak the truth: I am an abuser. I am. You may argue all you like but it won’t change that fact. Why are you so surprised? The abused always become the abusers; that’s what makes us so good at it. I don’t mean to be this man, really, but I can no more go against my cruel nature than you can deny your own compulsions. You will always be drawn to monsters like me, dear. Deep down you still want to punish yourself for this hunger which disturbs you and so you’re attracted to people who will undermine your happiness with misery and pain. You could have any man you wanted, someone who could give you the entire world and not just their nightmare version of it, but instead you sought me out. Cold, withdrawn, damaged Daren. You knew I’d hurt you and you chose me because of this, not despite it. I’m not judging you for that decision, beloved. This isn’t a condemnation and you have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s understandable, really. Normal. We all have our strange desires, after all. They are part of us whether we want them or not, so why deny them? Stop struggling against this aspect of yourself and embrace it instead. It’s okay; we’re okay. We’re not good, but we’re okay.

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