#1065

For years I didn’t feel much of anything besides the hollowness and the hunger. It was like I was a bottomless pit and if I didn’t devour others I would devour myself instead.”

Is it possible for a person to be born with a hole in their soul instead of their heart? Can someone have a spiritual defect as easily as a physical abnormality? I wouldn’t have thought so once but it’s true that sometimes it seems as if there really is a hole in Tanim’s soul and no matter how many comforts, promises, and assurances I pour into him, they eventually drain away. In their absence the self-loathing and shame creep back like a sickening mold in the cavity of his hollow chest. Alcohol and sleeping pills only take him away from his dark thoughts for so long. Even my own words barely make a difference. So maybe it’s true; maybe he really can’t be filled. Perhaps Tanim was born like this, the way some people are born with a congenital heart defect. A hole in your heart can be fixed, though. How do you sew up a wounded soul? I’m no surgeon and certainly no therapist. If I can barely keep my own scars from ripping open, how could I ever fix Tanim? Maybe one day the emptiness will simply swallow him whole, and myself as well.

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2 thoughts on “#1065

  1. This sounds very much like Boderline Personality Disorder. Poor Tanim. They can never be filled. Well observed and beautifully written as per. :)

    I’ve been away for two weeks. Back home now and full of beans. Got some edits to do for my story. Ugh! ;)

    • Yeah, I’ve been wondering lately if I didn’t accidentally give Tanim some sort of disorder (he often seems a bit bipolar as well, though that has a lot to do with his fetish as well). I swear I didn’t mean to!

      Ooh, I hope I see some updates in my reader from you soon! :)

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