Providence provides. This is what I must remember as I curse the heavens and the earth, as I weep from bitterness and confusion, as I panic and question and doubt myself. I do not even know what it is I name Providence, but in my brightest and my darkest moments I feel this magnificent and terrifying force move within me, through me, pushing me and driving me toward an end I cannot see. I could no more deny this phenomenon than I could deny my own heartbeat or the whorls of my fingerprints. Therefore I must remain steadfast in my faith; I must hold tight to my belief in the rightness of this end, to my trust in Providence, for if I am truly dedicated then such faith can never lead me astray.
Providence provides. So why do I fear, then? Why do I curse and weep and doubt when I perceive such responses as illogical? I feel trapped. I feel confined, a claustrophobia born of plastic and steel and the great, heavy shackles of the day-to-day. I am the horizon; I am the mountains; I am the molten heart of the earth. I am the wind and the rain and the fields and the valleys and all the cool, quiet places, the shadows of rainclouds on the cracked desert. Can I not be blamed, then, for fighting against my captivity? I am the world. I am the world! I am the seasons, the dawn, the twilight’s final indigo farewell! How can I be contained? How can I be limited? I should be free! I should be wild! I should kiss the Sun with my outstretched wings! Any existence which thus limits the depths of my oceans and the highest arches of my skies is a glass coffin and an unnatural sleep. Wake up, I must wake up, I must be free. I must not succumb to this coma and only dream of flying.
Providence provides. I tear at my hair in my grief, but still I repeat these words and slowly, slowly, the aching in my chest eases enough that I might breathe again. I should not be afraid; I do not walk alone. I carry these things within me in all moments, the good dark earth and the sweet clear water and the land of honey, the land of milk, the land the land the promised land always a part of me. I am never alone. I am never apart from the heartbeat of my earth. I am never without guidance. So here I lift open palms to my Providence and testify to my faith in glorious hallelujah. These days shall be my baptism by fire, and I will embrace that fire and take it into myself. Its flames will forge me and shape me and I will be stronger for this trial. Providence provides for those who are strong of spirit. I will not falter from my path.