[ NOTE (7/5/2011): Not all of this information is current. Calla no longer has a name. She is simply my Bad-Ass Warrior Chick. And Ashwynn doesn’t even exist. Other than that, yeah. Weapons and armor and bones. ]

So you know what I realized my writing lacks? Severed heads. Yes, I know, slow on the uptake aren’t I? I literally realized that just two nights ago and thought “what the hell, how did I not notice the absolute absence of decapitation in my stories before?”. Completely unacceptable, is what it is. I mean, my boys are wonderful and all, but they don’t exactly go around hacking up dragons and dire wolves and shit. But you know who does?

My new bad-ass warrior chicks.

Yeah, so when I was like “fuck, need more bloody neck stumps in here” I decided that for the first time in seven years I should sit down and actually create two new characters. Real characters, I mean, versus the random supporting people who pop in from time to time to be like “hey Tanim, your boyfriend’s a psycho angel of death (or whatever)”, only to be completely ignored and condemned to obscurity once again. I figured that instead, what I really need are characters who do less thinking and feeling and silly things like that and more epic things like killing and maiming and possibly pillaging. Because really, who doesn’t love a good pillage? Anyway, thus Calla and Ashwynn were born. Or are being born, I suppose, because they’re very much in progress (the last two characters I created took me, what, seven years and counting?). Fortunately, they’re both fairly simple gals and I’m letting the fantasy/feminist/role-playing cliches flow like the god-damned Nile River so the creation process is both entertaining and easy. Here’s the skinny (so far, at least):

Calla: Requisite nomad warrior chick with requisite stout frame, flinty eyes, tanned skin, and long-ass braid of thick black hair. I couldn’t decide what to name this little barbarian for a while but I’ve had the Stephen King novel title Wolves of the Calla stuck in my head all day so I took it as a sign. Before that I had affectionately nicknamed her Napoleon Complex due to her short stature and hot temper. Wow, am I creative or what? I know. God-damned genius. Anyway, so far Calla is your typical fur-clad nomad from that huge snow-covered mountain range to the north that is mandatory in every fantasy universe. Her customary clothing is mostly lots of leather and animal skins, with probably some randomly placed straps, thick leather boots, and one of those massive fur cloaks that used to belong to a giant wolf or something. Her jewelry is mostly made from silver and bone, cause that’s just cool, and fairly simple in design. Also, I’m thinking that as a bad-ass warrior chick she is also required to have randomly placed armor, so maybe throw some bracers and shoulder something-or-others in there. As for weapons, Calla carries Huge Hulking Sword #1 (I’m just assuming there will be more) and a big ol’ hunting bow for hunting big ol’ monster things. Mandatory northern mountain ranges are always populated by mandatory giant wolves and ravenous bears, right? Right. And if you really want to hunt down giant beasts the correct way, you gotta get yourself a bad-ass reindeer steed to ride and sharpen its antlers into deadly spikes. Which Calla did. And does. Cause she’s one bad-ass muthafucka.

Ashwynn: I’ll probably never really refer to her by her whole name. She can be Ash. Ash sounds nice. An Ash is a kind of tree and Ashwynn is kind of like a tree except not at all. She is, instead, the requisite plains/forestish bad-ass warrior chick who would probably be the cliche fancy-bow-shootin’ lady if she wasn’t blind in her right eye and therefore fucked for depth perception. Dunno why she’s blind; does my fantasy world have BB guns? Anyway, Ash is taller than Calla and less stocky, though by no means delicate or elfy (because fuck elves. fuckem). Her hair is sort of a honey brown and is either braided or let loose and therefore usually full of leaves and twigs and shit. Her skin is quite tan and her eyes are sorta pale blue/gray. Her clothing is more suited to her plains and pine forest home: soft boots, lots of deerskin, greens and browns and all of that. Her jewelry is mostly gold and copper because that sounds pretty and fuck if I’m gonna figure out if these people have advanced metallurgy yet. She carries Huge Hulking Sword #2, which is slightly smaller than Huge Hulking Sword #1 but is still pretty fair at hacking dragons apart. Which it gets many chances to do because Ash has a Thing for trophy collecting, despite the fact that she loses interest in her spoils after a few days and wanders off in search of her next conquest.

So yeah. Calla and Ash pretty much only exist to kill things. Other things, I mean, besides each other (which is a novelty in my writing). Though to be honest, probably nothing will come of this and I bet you good money that I will never actually write about either of these people ever again. But who knows? I am an enigma wrapped in riddles wrapped in Sudoku puzzles. Or something.

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