I was asked, once, how I can walk the path so surely in blindness when another stumbled with eyes wide open. I knew, even then, that I should pity the questioner for some reason, but all these years later I finally understand why: because I was not blind. I was never blind, only willing to close my eyes and follow the pull of my inner compass. Is not all belief thus? Do Christ’s disciples not also close their eyes and trust they will not be lead astray? The path you cannot see even with your eyes open is the wrong path. True, I pitied this person for thinking I must walk blind if I did not walk in the light of his God, but now I see I pitied him also for thinking he saw truly. I do not know what veil had been cast over his eyes, but he could not have felt so lost if his vision were clear. I know now I should have told him close your eyes and have faith, but back then I didn’t understand that was what I had done by instinct. I have only entrusted myself more to this faith since then, not less. I wonder what road he walks now?
I live in a world where I hope I will be respected for my love.
I live in a world where I hope I will be respected for my gender.
So how can I contribute to a world where something will not be respected for its species?
If I hope for respect, must I not first respect the most vulnerable of us?
If I hope for freedom, must I not first ensure the freedom of the caged?
If I hope for happiness, must I not first limit the unhappiness I cause?
It is dangerous to be queer in this world.
It is dangerous to be a woman in this world.
But it is more dangerous to be an animal in this world.
I am privileged to be human, and it is not my place to decide what lives or dies.
So let nothing more die for me.
And if it’s true, that cycle, that immortal soul in all its forms passing through time, what does the future hold for her? The temperatures are already rising, the oceans acidifying, the atmosphere clogged with chemicals and debris. What would 2070 hold? 2140? Will technology keep advancing or will it one day crumble, so at some point she’ll come full circle to clay tablets again? Will any remnants of mythology and religion remain in such desolation, or will she feel even crazier for the voices in her head? Someday the oceans will dry up, the farm lands wither, the forests burn down to char. Someday blood will wet the parched soil more often than rain. Who could find spiritual shelter in such a dead place? Though maybe that’s the point – to have someone there at the end of things, for Ragnarok, for Armageddon, for the time when neither Sun nor Moon can rise again. But what a burden that will be.
I don’t know if I’ll see you again, Little Flame, and the thought breaks my heart. I’m sorry I can’t be by your side while you struggle to live. You must be so scared, so lonely. I feel like I’ve failed you and The Lady both, though I know the situation is out of my control. Still, I worry and I pray and I try not to lose hope. I know you’re in good hands; I just wish you were in mine instead. Whatever happens, I promise I won’t forget you. If you must return to The Lady’s arms, then so be it. I would rather you pass on to the Eternal Land than suffer in this one. Visit me, though, will you? We only had a few days together, and may not have any more, but I love you and I’ll miss you terribly. If you can’t come back to me in this life, then at least stop by from time to time in the next. I’ll be looking for your bright coat and listening for your gravelly voice. You’ll always be welcome in my home, be you living or spirit. I’m with you, Little Flame, even if I can’t be by you physically. Remember that even if your time here is brief, you are loved greatly. You will not be forgotten.
They say every age births its own gods, so maybe for this age of techno-extinction you’re the new goddess of war. What do you think? Maybe you’re Inanna and Ishtar, Kali and Sekhmet, just in a new story for a new age. No crown, just a bright red dress; no sword, just a machete and a lot of anger. Maybe that’s why you can never rest. Maybe that’s why you can never escape. What do you think, Alice? Maybe you’re trapped in the apocalyptic Eden of our new mythology, fighting corruption and chaos because we’re all afraid our bodies and minds will be taken from us. You’re proof that even infected, we could harness the virus and retaliate, tear down the walls and set the skies on fire. Science and genetics might have made you into a weapon, but you elevated yourself to the status of deity to challenge your creator. Goddess of war, goddess of resurrection, goddess of retribution, lead us down the rabbit hole.
I am hesitant to approach, to even write or utter Your name, but still I sense Your vast, ancient presence all around me. Great Lady, are You truly reaching out to me? Humble though I am, I can understand why The Lady of Flame called me to Her path; I have walked it unknowingly my entire life, seeking a bond with Her children that I could only have with the Mother Cat Herself. I was awed by Her choice, but it made sense after some soul-searching. You, though? How is it possible a deity so powerful, so grand even deigns to notice my single, solitary little life when all the world and heavens bow to You? I hear Your call yet I still think this must be some mistake on my part. Perhaps You seek the ones for whom I am scribe, and I am only misinterpreting Your appearance in my dreams. The Lord Sun and Prince Moon may be worthy of Your focus, but me? Surely not. I am only the scribe; what could the Queen of Heaven want with me?
Much to my delight and surprise, Garrett Ray Harriman of Short4orm nominated me for a Sunshine Blogger Award. I have no idea what that actually means, but I like awards and I sure like Garrett’s superb writing. Now, normally I don’t take part in the blog award posts because I use my blog as a way to keep track of how much I’ve written, and non-writy things throw off the count, but I thought of a way around that… I’ll answer Garrett’s questions in the form of haiku! Then this post still counts as creative writing, right?
Apparently, for the Sunshine Blogger Award, the nominator asks 11 questions of their nominees. Nominees answer said questions, then choose 5 of their own nominees for the award (nominator excluded) and create 11 new questions to ask. Haiku not required (though encouraged by me!). Answers below, and then my nominees and their questions.
- How would you describe your sense of humor?
I could have written
Cards Against Humanity
(though fewer sex jokes)
- Who are your writer heroes?
Kushner and Koja, of course
Zelazny as well
- How do you define fear?
something you can’t face
be it monster or person
for lack of control
- How do you define courage?
something you still face
despite fear, anxiety
even if you’ll lose
- What was the first piece you wrote that moved you?
“How to Train Your Cat”
written at six; years later
laughed until I cried
- What musical instrument would you be and why?
maybe a sistrum
Bast’s beloved instrument
makes a joyous sound
- What is your favorite dessert?
fresh baked rhubarb pie
perhaps a bit of whipped cream
and the perfect crust
- Second-best use for books besides reading them? (doorstop, projectile, etc.)
build a fort of books
with a blanket for the top
hide from adulthood
- What do you do about procrastination?
left this one for last
I don’t have a great answer
put off, then push through
- Favorite superhero that hasn’t been created yet?
Crazy Cat Lady!
she’s not really crazy, just
rescues cats in need
- Question you wish I’d asked you?
what book made you wish
you had written it this year?
I’d say Bel Canto
For my own nominees, I tag ContagiousQueer (for your thoughtful social justice posts), ThingsMatter (because I think you love this sort of stuff), Days of Stone (for your beautiful poetry), AlicePan (because I HATE YOU (jk love you)), and Bad Poem a Day (because you might actually do the haiku thing). No worries if any of you don’t want to participate, though.
And my new set of questions…
- Favorite flavor of tea (or other drink of your choice, if you don’t drink tea)?
- What mythical creature would you want as a companion/pet?
- Favorite supervillain that hasn’t been created yet?
- What food did you love as a kid but hate now?
- What movie do you think is overrated?
- If you could meet one historical figure, who would it be and why?
- What does your blog/username mean and why did you choose it?
- What song do you hate to love?
- Is there a fictional character you wish you had created? If so, who and why?
- Do you name your electronics? What are their names?
- Favorite god or goddess?