#1193

Like the moon Daren is in constant motion, always longing to leave, to go dark and disappear. I can feel him awake at my side in the night, rigid with the effort to remain in bed. He wants to run. He needs to run. I think on the surface he believes this impulse stems from the fact that it would be easier if he left, though I’m not sure for whom; me so I don’t have to bear his burdens or him so he can waste in peace. That isn’t the real reason, though, so I suppose it doesn’t really matter if the logic is flawed. I doubt Daren understands why he really longs to escape this life we share, but I do because I’ve succumbed to the same irrational desire. He needs to run because all his life he’s shut himself off from everything, become cold and unfeeling within, and now the safety gained from that withdrawal is no longer an option. Love forces vulnerability, requires submission to a greater force, and even when he retreats inside himself he’s never truly alone; there is a shard of my own heart within him now and no matter where he goes, no matter what he does, he cannot break free. That’s a terrifying concept, I know it is, and so I understand why he feels this compulsion to flee. And he may, one day. I may wake one morning to an empty bed, empty rooms, empty life. Yet even if that bleak morning does come I know he’ll return to me eventually, as the moon must always emerge from darkness to cold light. And when he does I’ll be here still, constant and unchanging as the sun.