#1566

Devotion to the Mother Cat

I’m now three months in to my devotion to Bast. So far things are going well – She seems to approve of my approach to devotion and is clear when She wants something done, or done differently. One thing I have found, though, is that it can be difficult to fit devotions into a busy day, especially if you don’t have the time/energy/wellness to conduct something extended. I know most spiritual people struggle with this, so I thought I’d just mention some of the simple things I do during the week for Bast.

1) Music – I’m lucky that I can often listen to music in my cubicle at work. This gives me an opportunity to honor Bast during the day while otherwise being a boring adult. Below are some of the songs Bast enjoys (with Youtube links):

The Lion King Broadway soundtrack (especially Grasslands Chant, The Lioness Hunt, and Shadowland)
When You Believe – The Prince of Egypt soundtrack
Alegria - Cirque du Soleil
Adiemus - Karl Jenkins/Enya
Awake and In the Land of Twilight – Yuki Kajiura

2) Reading – One thing Bast demanded pretty quickly in my devotion was a focus on cat fiction. Since January I’ve literally only read books with feline characters and She absolutely loves them. Below are some of the books I’d definitely recommend not just to followers of Bast, but to anyone who likes feline fiction – or just really good books in general. (Be warned, though; all of these books are darker than you’d expect and at least two of the Warriors books so far have made me bawl.)

The Named series – Clare Bell
The Warriors series – Erin Hunter
Yeshua’s Cats (books 1 and 2) – C.L. Francisco
Tomorrow’s Sphinx – Clare Bell
Varjak Paw – Sf Said
The Incredible Journey – Sheila Burnford
Per-Bast: A Tale of Cats in Ancient Egypt – Lara-Dawn Stiegler

3) Jewelry - I’ve been a cat person since I was born, so I already had a lot of cat jewelry when Bast came calling. I’ve asked Her to bless these pieces one by one as I wear them, and now consider them symbols of my devotion. I’ll choose certain ones to wear on days when I feel I need extra strength, guidance, or protection, or just when I want to feel closer to Her.

4) Writing and Art – Two ways I try to honor Bast in my spare time are through writing and art. I can handle the writing part – hymns, prayers, etc – pretty easily, but art not so much. So I’ve taken up practicing drawing cats, mostly doodles on my notes at work, and when I get home I sometimes play dollmaker games online and make depictions of Bast. I think Bast enjoys these because I put time and effort into them, so even though I’m not the one actually drawing the picture, I’m still being creative and thoughtful in Her honor. bast1 Doll-Divine-Creation-wide (2) bast

#1565

some relationships are road trips and sunrises and bonfires on the beach
some are candles and rose petals and diamond rings in champagne glasses
but yours
your relationship is empty bottles and cigarette stubs and bite marks
knives beneath the sheets, needles under the bed
the front door slamming
silence

#1564

There’s a part of me that will never accept there isn’t a spell to bring you back. That part of me will always wonder at the words, the ingredients, the timing. Maybe it’s possible, it will argue. Maybe you just need the right combination of Bradbury and Zelazny, Irish Rovers and Bob Seger, a circle of beach sand sprinkled with Guinness and in the center an eagle feather laid atop a Harley Davidson t-shirt; maybe if you just keep searching you’ll find enough little memories to place at the foot of that weathered stone until one day “No Regrets” won’t make your heart twist to read. And I hate that part of me, but I can’t stand to snuff it out, because what if it’s right?

#1563

in one ear the darkelvenmage whispers to me
of frigid oceans and frozen shores
glossy raven wings and the howling of wolves
the silver sickle moon rising above jagged mountains
and in the other the Mother Cat, Lady of Flame
murmurs of shifting sands and ancient temples
swift hunting cats and the laughter of jackals
of a sun like liquid gold baking the red land
and I am the wanderer, oh
I am the wanderer

#1562

Some days I want to glean meaning from your death. Other days I know it was just some random shit thing that happened. In my dreams society has crumbled, humanity reduced to warring factions and desperate survival, and still what I miss most as I stand by the ocean is hearing songs on the radio that remind me of you. Upon waking I struggle for a moment, wondering why my mother is dating someone, until I remember (over and over and over) – you’re gone.

#1561

Writing Realistic Aces, or: On Listening to Your Characters (March 2015 Carnival of Aces)

[ This is my first submission for Carnival of Aces! Hope I didn’t fuck it up. ]

I have been writing about the same two characters for almost twelve years now. When they first came to me when I was a wee teenager, Tanim and Daren were theoretically heterosexual. I say theoretically because even though they both had girlfriends (HAH!) they were very, very, very good friends. Suspiciously good friends. Like, “major homoerotic subtext” good friends. But I was young and inexperienced as a writer and didn’t really understand that your characters drive the story, not you. You’re just the scribe. So I kept on pushing them at these completely 2-dimensional female characters when they were obviously making googly eyes at each other.

What I learned from this experience is that you can’t tell a character their sexuality, just as you can’t tell a real person their sexuality. They tell you. And what Tanim and Daren told me, in excruciating slowness over years of angst and tragedy and dramatic professions of love, is that they were far from heterosexual. Neither, though, were either of them strictly gay, or even bi. They fell somewhere on a spectrum I wasn’t even aware of at the time (thank you, college Psych 101, for introducing me to asexuality!). For though the connection between Tanim and Daren was definitely romantic*, I knew neither of them would be interested in any other man – or any other person, for that matter. Likewise, though in certain story fragments they did engage in sex, I knew it was something Daren was often repulsed by, and something Tanim participated in for reasons other than physical gratification.

If I had to put my boys on the spectrum, I would say Daren is strictly asexual and aromantic, and most likely sex-repulsed to sex-indifferent depending on the story. Tanim, on the other hand, is possibly gray-asexual or demisexual and homoromantic (though he’s basically doomed to only fall in love with Daren). Tanim’s asexuality is complicated by his fetish, however*. He desires sex not because he’s sexually attracted to other men, or because he has a high libido, but because he craves submission. This leads him to frequently engage in dangerous sexual practices and definitely makes him seem like an allosexual character, but at the end of the day the attraction still isn’t there. So while my characters appear outwardly to be in a sexually active homosexual relationship, the reality is much more complicated. And don’t we all love complex characters?

I’m probably not making much sense. I hope I am. The point is, I didn’t tell these characters they had to be asexual. I didn’t set out thinking, “I want to write about asexual characters, and poof! here they are”. I set out to write about these two characters and they turned out to have been asexual the whole time (much like me, haha). I suppose you could call that accidental diversity, but maybe we need more of that; not diversity for diversity’s sake, but diverse characters for the sake of being true to the characters themselves***.

In short, writing realistic asexual characters is as simple as letting the character be themselves. If they tell you, “I’m asexual but when I meet this other character, I’m going to have sex with them,” then cool! That’s what’s going to happen. If they say, “I’m asexual and all I want is a queer-platonic life partner,” then awesome! That’s what you write. And if they say, “Wait a minute, I’m not asexual, what are you doing?” you listen and let them tell you who they really are. As an ace who thought she would never date and never have sex, but who now finds herself in a sexually active, committed lesbian relationship (that could be considered semi-poly if you count Tanim and Daren in there) let me tell you, life throws curve balls. Asexuals come in all shapes and sizes and flavors and colors. Don’t be afraid if your ace character seems to veer away from the stereotype – chances are, the less stereotyped your character is, the closer to representing real asexuals they are.

*Though their form of romance is rather… unique…

**I am forever grateful to the asexual people who discuss their kinks (especially BDSM) online; you have validated what I thought was possible but didn’t know for sure. Thank you!

***Which could be a great tie-in for what Michelle Rodriguez was saying about creating new POC superheroes instead of just changing the race of currently existing ones, but that’s a discussion for a different time and a different person.

#1560

don’t you understand? you’ve got it backwards
I am the Moon, often veiled in darkness
waxing and waning as I add or remove layers, depending on my need to hide
not you, beloved; you are the Sun
you should bare yourself in glory
let your golden flesh glow unfettered, unfiltered
don’t hide behind clouds, don’t dull your rays with fog
you are beauty beyond imagining, brilliant and burning hot
can’t you see you light up the world?
shine, you fool, shine